Then There is Me
what is it about me I dislike?
Oh the question is wrong an a lot of people agree,
The question should be rephrased as :-
What is it that I like about me?
The answer is 'nothing'.
That is a statement in it's own respect.
Then there are people whom I know,
There is one more person who has a structured method of thinking.
She said I did not write any thing about her, well I didn't coz all the things that make me 'ME' is similar to the same one.
lets just say I know someone called Tasneem and there are problems:
1) A short fuse that I dislike,
2) An attitude that I like,
3) A few habits that she has,(What is a bad habit for others is not necessarily bad)
4) A way of looking at people ( Analysis all the time {strange})
Then I recollect that yes I too am in the same Club as she is
(Oh what the hell.. I am the president Of that Club)
Speaking of someone else I have to say she still thinks all I am writing and
saying is a joke that's my irony.
I admit
There are so many things I have to say but they would seem very sillyI admit that I am an
idiot when it comes to most matters in life, no amountof pep talk, pity and all the other
sh** i tell myself to convince me otherwise will help.
I wish to be in love again, for I know all that I cared till now was to keep myself far away
for I missed someone I think i loved. All these years I thought I was in love, but as much
as I admit it was silly I still think I still may be in the same feeling.
I distinctly remember and I think I konw it is not her that I met 14 years ago that I love
it is the mist, the mountains, the breeze at Khandala that I love, I realize this now, I
thought it was her but no It was my school that I missed, The place where I was at the best
two years of my life.
God I',m such a stranger trapped in a strange world, in a strange body with a strange heart
that builds up stranger emotions and attachments that make me feel strange.
I admit I have been in love countless times, but there are a few women who really make me
think twice, but I am always written off by them for being not serious all the time.
Maybe it is a curse for rejecting all those who approached me. They all told me I will be
alone someday, at the best of my times, looking beside if there was anyone, to look into her eyes to tell her I love her but .....
It doesn't matter any more, does it?, All the ones I loved are either far away, maybe dead, married, or still thinking about the jokes and fairy tales i told them, spinning yarns and shouting "wolf wolf".
Does it make a difference to me? I admit it does.
I know I have to take a chance to find that someone who would shut her ears while I blabber and listen to what my eyes have to say to her. I also know none of them would have the time.My curse, My destiny and My silliness forbids me from feeling love which may be just around the corner.
I have a few people to thank for making me realize a few things in life:
Rajshekhar for being there 70 % of the time I needed him,
Amit J for being an entity I share my mentality with (to an extent)
Rajesh for being a very strong manager,
Vikas and Govind for being my drinking partners,
My counsellors (Maithili and Mamta) at Thane for being dependable,
Himani (the understanding),
harshada (the childishness),
Smita (the Eyes),
Tehreem (( her talking style)she should really get a better hair style),
Nisha (aggression and being a rebel like me )
Manisha (for being 200 percent Extra nice)
Abhishek for the trip to khandala which we undertook on 1 st of January 2004,
Rajani didi for being a total goon to me (always there when I need her)
And finally
Mrs Pankajakshi Nair (mom) for the strongest support that is forever unconditional.
I need to be happy and smile, it's been long since I have.
