Wars and Batttles :
I am fighting a losing battle. I picture myself sitting, my Desert Eagle in my Right hand hanging by its loop near the trigger. My hair long, my head low. I hold a Rothmans in my left hand.
I have only a single bullet left in my gun. I know I'm losing.
Battles bring me lessons that I learn, I fight you in a war.
A war to love you for all that you are and to be loved.
I always win on my side but even if I feel I'm losing I don't care,You win I win.
I have nothing to lose not even my heart and soul for I have already
given them to you. Take it or throw it away.
Think of it as a child's play, but don't insult me saying I chose wrong.
I fight for I'm alive, I fight not because I can but for I want to.
I love for that is the only thing I believe I can do correctly.
Thank you friends at karROX for being my friends :
Especially Kaniza, Smita and Tehreem.
( you girls never let me feel I miss my girl friend
(no offence) )
Raj you are a different breed I hate you but I love you.
And Devesh man you are great both technically and
PR wise.
Wish I can learn something from you.
My Bosses Rajesh and Jeetu for being considerate and Alam for being very senti senti.
Rahul for being the sweet little kid overgrown.
and Thane for being the city that kills my joy but gives me more than enough of the same.
WOW I just purchased happiness. My telephone bill is INR 4966/-
and some of you may ask me what the ...?
Well I know happiness is just a few INRs' away.
Even if it means extra working hours. Extra batches, extra working days.
I don't care.
( FOR YOU Tiger ANYTHING IS WELCOME)
For all I care is that I love . And that is all I can do.
I have the answers for everything, if you ask me why do I love,
then I have to find a very good answer which is impossible to find.
So please don't.
I am so screwed for that bill but I'll love every moment of bother it brings me.
The link above on the title takes you to the page that contains a theory of everything.
you can use the same link below:
http://www.awaretek.com/theoryofeverything.html
Till I find myself Let me just love for I love myself and you are someone
who is just as much me as I am.
You cram these words into mine ears, against The stomach of my sense. --Shakespeare.
That is what I do to people. I don't make sense to people half the time and the other half of it is I'm senseless.
I know one other guy who was as understood as me. He has cast a hge cloud of influence on me. He has made me see life in a way most of us cannot even understand.
IRONY and Obscurity of life and It's craziness.
I find the lyrics below very sensible though most of us cannot even comprehend most of it.
http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Venue/6582/Nirvana/nevermind.html
It is about understanding thhe finest complexity of life and still being able to live it.
Especially the song Polly
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POLLY : Nirvana
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Polly wants a cracker I think I should get off her first
I think she wants some To put out the blow torch
It isn't me, We have some seeds
Let me clip,Your dirty wings
Let me take a ride, Don't hurt yourself
I want some help to help myself
I've got some rope, You have been told
I promise you, I have been true
Let me take a ride, Don't hurt yourself
I want some help, To help myself
Polly wants a cracker, Maybe she would like more food
She asks me to untie her, A chase would be nice for a few
Polly says her back hurts, And she's just as bored as me
She caught me off my guard, It amazes me the will of instinct.
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A song more stranger is Come as you are.
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COME AS YOU ARE
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Come as you are, as you were,
As I want you to beAs a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy
Take your time, hurry up, The choice is yours, don't be late
Take a rest as a friend as an old memoria
memoria, memoria, memoria
Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach, As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend, as an old memoria
memoria, memoria, memoria
Well I swear that I don't have a gun, No I don't have a gun
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Memoria :
\Me*mo"ri*a\, n. [L.] Memory.
Memoria technica, technical memory; a contrivance for aiding the memory.
Dont make much sense does it? well that's life.
What If ?
I have been feeling giddy all morning for the past two days. It is affectting my work.
I am going to the doctor to get it fixed. Stress is getting to me.
Stress from what I think and what I am trying to.
I know what I have to do, let go of all I feel, to be 'The Nair ' that I was.
I know I will and I can, the question is do i want to.
Oh guess what? I discovered I could put aside all my principles just to be with someone.
God is going to be so damn pissed of at me for this. I know there was a day when I had to go to him to ask for something but I did not for my principles were more important to me.
I love this, This is terrific, I can love someone more than I love GOD ( I'm so so screwed).
GOD help me I need you to help me and so much that I am telling you the truth.
Love you god,
Love you Ritesh,
Love you *h*e*a*,
Oh friends I love you all to,
Enemies you are more than loved guys you are cared for.
Reflections Of The Self
Since a lot of people are wondering about life i'll just tell them one thing,
It is like a journey. How?
well let us consider the following:
We start out on a journey to reach somewhere only to reach there and head back.
It is the journey that is more important than reaching somewhere.
I know that if I was so damn blown away by someone I'd just love her till I actually end the journey, I dont give a Damn if I get what I pay for Life is about giving away all you have though it is not smart. Then again Love is just an emotion like sadness and joy.
We all can control it but I can make it disappear for me anytime, not this time for I am bored and seek adventure of putting myself through the aches and pains it will take me to get to joy.
I always loved the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost"
recommended reading :
http://www.bartleby.com/119/1.html
The poem is so much like me.
Moonlit Nights
Flowery Dreams, dreamy days,
Of sunset walks and sandy bays,
Of wingless flight, moonlit nights,
And all things that are dreamt of, Far away
Beneath an oak, Tall, old but green,
A shade from the scorching noon,
I wish to lie down beneath your veil,
Shade me, from the turmoils of life.
Of lonely nights that keep me awake,
And sleep comming from exhaustion,
Of my soul, wondering about you,
Staring through the broken window panes.
Trees that shed, the winter brings,
An indication to let go of all that's past,
The tears that rejection brings us all,
Makes me love her all over again.
I cry, for my heart is misunderstood,
A love, a poem so untouched,
You remain unmoved, witness my deathwish,
Of living alone in this existance.
To reach out to those flying birds,
Flying back home to love and be,
I await on my rooftop,
To catch the moon this new moon night.
Ritesh Nair (c) 2004
