Fear
What have i done to myself? I can't watch a fire burn anymore in a war, I cant see a bullet flying through someone's skull, I cant watch a single human cry. This is not me and I don't want it to be so. All the hatred in me is oozing out to empty itself.
I don't want to be in a frenzy of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder called Love. It is eating into my strength. I stand today weak (my own doing), in Pain (my own upbringing). This feeling has eaten me up so entirely that it brings me a choice, a choice to live, a choice to kill myself. I cannot die for I have so many friends who won't let me and I cannot live for I have my own reasons for not living.
I am at war, It's a war between what is dear to me and what I am to me. I chose what is dear and now I have lost my own identity. The absence of her voice or vision makes me think more about her. If I meet her, it's been long, I wouldn't be so worried. I would rest knowing there is another day.
They think if they keep me away from the sea I would forget the water in it, How dumb they are. The more you keep me awaqy from the sea the more eager I grow to drown in it, to reach its dark dangerous depths, to explore it, to love it, to show how much I love.
We all are prisoners of our own thoughts. I broke my cell and here I am in a place called freedom where I am lost, dazed, and waiting for me to call out to myself to imprison me in my own world free of all that is incompetent, this time make it for life.
I know this may sound strange to other mortals, but yes I quit from living like you all, I am bold enought to fight, stare at the future in the eye and challenge it, I Know all I feel, I can be a friend to all those who hate me and love them, not for I can but for I want to.
So i say a prayer to GOD, If I am what you wanted me to be, call me, I have completed my cycle. I am free, I am free of bonding, take me far far away from the feelings of love, living, and fear, before they conquer me, love is already winning over me, now living has risen. I am already afraid to exist, before I breakdown take me away, show them that I am strong and all that I show as my strength is not a folly.
Release me.
Endless Restart
I have seen better days. These days it is just like loneliness is my best company. My friends at work are far away, most of them don't even care to reply to my messages. I feel ignored at times. But you know what? I give a Damn. Sooner or later they will also enter a stage when they will need people like me to withhold their sanity. Don't matter to me, am I bothered for they don't care nah, I give a damn. I can only love people, if they return it good, if they don't care about it I know what they are heading to. My love never is in vain, the ones who scrap it off as stupidity end up in strange situations.
Well apart from all that I have to say I am in love once again, this time again it is a nice pretty sweet and cuddly tiger, Well I ain't telling her like the last time when I ended up in a soup. Well thanks to every friend at the office I feel much balanced, seeing them unbalanced at timess.
I am inspired again, I promise better poems this time, I hope all those who read these poems will pardon me for the crap.
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Endless Restart
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Velvet winds touch the water pool,
To disturb the calmness of the stilness,
Beneath which the turbulence lies,
To briefly touch and go.
The ripples reach the other shore,
Shore to shore the ripples wander,,
To end up into the calmness,
As though to seem Undisturbed.
The mind knows no boundary,
Of heartfelt and what is unknown,
To wait in cycles endlessly,
To arise again in thoughts anew.
Like life itself, my journey,
Away from me to some nowhere place,
To an augmented hyper reality,
To restart all over again.
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The fight within.
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The dust blows on an open road,
Set in wind, by someone who drove by,
To impair vision on the clear summer noon,
To mislead a traveller walking along.
Arid, unforgiving,sand, empty largely,
The road seems to stretch out to no end,
Like walking towards an obscure destination,
Blindly the traveller walks.
To reach out, to touch reality, we wish,
In our pseudo happiness we refrain,
To see what is real, what is true,
We lose focus moving along.
Hard to do, easier said,
A statement we beg to justify,
Till we see how far we have come,
To only regret the avoided visit of a garden.
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Close Conversations.
Only once, I said, she declined,
Accepted said I,
Only ten, she said seven,
Accepted said I,
Only you I said, she refused,
Accepted said I,
Never again, said I, She refuted,
Denied said I,
What we are, Said I, Agreed said She,
Thanked her, I did,
23 long, ways to be broken, one to build,Said God,
Accepted said I,
They came, took me for dead,called me bad,
Accepted said I,
I awoke,cold sweat,heart hurt deep,
Accepted said I,
I'll know, the future and all that's unknown,
Accepted said I,
Bless you, Said God, Live in pain but, If for love,
Accepted said I,
He walked out, She turned,left, I walked out on myself,
Accepted said I.
For Friends come back, I called, I said to me,
Accepted said Me.
Relevance
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Relevance
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A truth we ponder on,
A truth we think to justify,
A truth we fail to understand,
A truth we cannot deny,
A truth we beg was unquestionable,
A truth that disturbs at times,
A truth we seldom visit,
A truth we wish to live in sometimes,
A truth for the sorrowful soul,
A truth for the joyous heart,
A truth when the tears roll by,
A truth that makes the smile worthwhile,
A truth, which we miss when lost,
A truth we are happy to see most times,
A truth we joyously treasure,
A truth that makes a small hurt, a lot,
A truth I can never live without realizing,
A truth I love with all my heart,
A truth I know that’s given to me,
The truth what is called life.
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Augmented Hyper Realism.
What is Reality? We pause sometimes to question ourselves. We hae all the answers don't we? We are all Ritesh Nair aren't we? Hah! well I am cursed to warned before anything happens. Why do I even ask things at times?
Is reality :
what we see,
what we touch,
what we can feel,
what we can taste?
or is life just acronymic?
What we feel can be manipulated,
what we see can be made up,
what we touch can be generated,
what we taste can be synthesized,
so where does that leave reality
Is the enviornment we are surrounded by us real or surreal?
Surreal would be an understatement. What we wat out of this life is simple, we want to touch the surface of every dream pool that we have only to pull our self and say we are afraid.
I am a fighter, give me a battle and I'll win, fight me and I'll fight back like hell, hell would refrain from stating otherwise.
The only thing that matters most to me is a friend that I can gain from all that fighting, I have you I think, You just put your guns down and I've stop fighting. I wish I was a little less understanding and little less confusing.
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U2 Kite.
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Something is about to give
I can feel it coming
I think I know what it is
I'm not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to live
And when I'm flat on my back
I hope to feel like I did
And hardness, it sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin
I want you to know
That you don't need me anymore
I want you to know
You don't need anyone
Or anything at all
Who's to say where the wind will take you?
Who's to say what it is will break you?
I don't know, which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around?
Don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye
It's summer,
I can taste the salt of the sea
There's a kite blowing out of control on the breeze
I wonder what's gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me...
I'm a man,
I'm not a child...
A man who sees
The shadow behind your eyes
Who's to say where the wind will take you?
Who's to say what it is will break you?
I don't know, where the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around?
I don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye
Did I waste it?
Not so much I couldn't taste it
Life should be fragrant
Rooftop to the basement
The last of the rocks stars
When hip hop drove the big cars
In the time when new media
Was the big idea
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U2 Stuck in a moment.
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I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company
I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see
And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deepI wasn't jumping,
for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass
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The song in red is for a tiger. It is not about love it is about a friend that I seek in her deeply hidden who inspires me to understanding how beautiful life is. How precious you are to me is easier to say but maybe it is hard for you to comprehend. Not all things in the world are well received by all around me but I'm happy you actually got enough courage to make things clear. That makes me realize how good a friend you can be.
Remember it takes more than just love that I have for a person for me to call a the person a friend, I need their understanding as well, if understanding is not your key areas you can always learn.
These are two of my favouriate songs that I love so much that I keep on listening to them every time I am upset. Three days a week. They build up my morale, give me a reason to live, sustain my life giving breath, If it wasn't for them I would have been brain dead.
I always win a battle but lose a war. I want to win the war and the war now is to make you understand that I can be a friend you can be out to a movie, meet a thousand times and still go home relaxed that you are not wound up with a emotional charge. I'll cry if you do that. I wont let you down ever I promise. If you commit to change the few things we have discussed at length.
If you are upset I want to be the one who wipes every tear, shoulder you when they need to flow, I want to be the one who makes you forget your worries, I want to be the one who listens when you have anything to say. I think that means I want you to be a person I can call a friend who I can support and feel happy.
Support for sale any takers??????????????????????????????
Googled Life.
There is a place deep in my mind where all i know is calmness. Contradictions of the self are obscure are comprehensions of what we call life. To savour the flavour of what ever remains, we live along endlessly, pointlessly at times. In the end what remains is dust and bones.
We shall exist as miniscule pieces of work of god, like ancient artefacts, pieces of porcelain scattered all over the land when all shall be buried. We may arise out of the dust, mentally, or physically, look at life from a different perspective, only to realize that what we are is what we made ourself.
To understand, to know,to be, to lie, to exist, to lie, to cheat, to steal, our conscience. We stop at times to look how far we have come. I have done that and I love every moment of it. I'll lie not for I have to but because I can feel every moment of it.
Seems to me we are getting nowhere,but we all exist in the same frame called existence.
